Saturday, February 28, 2009
Depression
I don't think I've ever felt so horrible in my life. I mean, I've had bad days and all, but this is on a whole new level. I looked up the definition of depressed and I have all the symptoms: a state of sadness or hopelessness, dejection, poor concentration, lack of energy, and an inability to sleep. It's no ones fault, no one but my own. And I don't even care that I'm spilling personal stuff onto the internet. I'm so tired and I just want everything to end. Nothing can make me happy anymore. Things can make me really angry like something right now is doing, but nothing can make me happy. I bet no one would care if I just disappeared. Like if I moved to China with my mom everyone would be like, "Hey, what happened to that girl with the short hair and glasses?" two months later. Not that I can. Yet another reason to be depressed. I have a list going. But I can't tell you guys. Sorry. Not really.
Sunday, February 22, 2009
Dancing Queen
Dancing Queen
Most everyone has been to at least one school dance in their lifetime, but junior high dances are a breed of their own. In high school, everybody is pretty much the same size and close to the same emotional maturity. In junior high, there is a huge difference in the physical and social maturity of the seventh graders and ninth graders: some seventh graders in our school look more like third graders compared to the kids in ninth grade. Figuring out what to wear is one of the biggest challenges junior high kids face, especially girls. In addition, the social ramifications of a junior high dance can change your public landscape- sometimes permanently. Recently, there was a dance at our school, Fairfield Jr. High, which demonstrated this strange world.
We have a tradition at our school dances where all the girls throw in one of their shoes to the middle of the cafeteria. Then the boys rush in, and hoping to get the shoe belonging to the girl of their choice, grab one; then the two dance. At our school dance a couple of weeks ago, I participated in this ritual. I spent the first half of the song finding the boy who had snatched up my shoe, but success was eventually mine. When I saw who was to be my partner, I was astonished. A tiny seventh grader whose head barely reached my shoulder had actually taken a chance and grabbed a shoe. It was an awkward dance because I, a ninth grader, had to teach a little boy how to dance. “You put one hand here, and the other hear,” I instructed. I indulged him because he had been brave enough to take a shoe, but I find that dancing with kids your own age is a tad bit more enjoyable. But before I even got to the dance, I was faced with the most difficult decision of what to wear.
When you look around on dance days at all the different outfits people are wearing, you can tell a lot. Many people don’t even attend dances, and some people get all totally decked out. I happen to be one of the girls who goes to the extremes. I probably spend more time picking out a cute outfit for the dance than the dance actually lasts. “Mom! I don’t know what to wear,” I say this every time a dance comes up. Shirts, skirts, shoes, and jewelry are all very important to me, so I use only the best. Everything has to match perfectly and be coordinated with all the other articles I wear. When I get to school and see maybe two or three other people dressed up like me, it tells me a lot. I find out who really cares about this kind of thing and who doesn’t. The girls, and occasionally boys, who get all dressed up for dances are usually the one who dance on every song - and who you dance with can certainly change everything.
Usually I dance with just my friends and, if I’m lucky, the guys I like. For me, a dance has never “started” anything with anyone. Until now, that is. I stood there dancing with one boy who I was very good friends with, and suddenly I felt something that I never had felt before. You could almost see the sparks flying around us. It was probably the most enjoyable dance I’ve ever had. It has changed a lot of things for me, all for the better. There are also many instances where dancing can ruin relationships. Someone could say no, a very rare situation, but it’s happened to me. The dance can be awkward to the extreme, also one of my personal experiences. I know for a fact that a dance can make or break feelings for someone.
Junior high dances are amazing things if you can learn to navigate them properly. Although the differences between the age groups are huge, deciding what to wear causes great anxiety, and a single two-minute dance can change everything, I still love them. After years of experience like I’ve had, you can’t help it. In health or in sickness, for better or for worse, I’ll always end up going.
Most everyone has been to at least one school dance in their lifetime, but junior high dances are a breed of their own. In high school, everybody is pretty much the same size and close to the same emotional maturity. In junior high, there is a huge difference in the physical and social maturity of the seventh graders and ninth graders: some seventh graders in our school look more like third graders compared to the kids in ninth grade. Figuring out what to wear is one of the biggest challenges junior high kids face, especially girls. In addition, the social ramifications of a junior high dance can change your public landscape- sometimes permanently. Recently, there was a dance at our school, Fairfield Jr. High, which demonstrated this strange world.
We have a tradition at our school dances where all the girls throw in one of their shoes to the middle of the cafeteria. Then the boys rush in, and hoping to get the shoe belonging to the girl of their choice, grab one; then the two dance. At our school dance a couple of weeks ago, I participated in this ritual. I spent the first half of the song finding the boy who had snatched up my shoe, but success was eventually mine. When I saw who was to be my partner, I was astonished. A tiny seventh grader whose head barely reached my shoulder had actually taken a chance and grabbed a shoe. It was an awkward dance because I, a ninth grader, had to teach a little boy how to dance. “You put one hand here, and the other hear,” I instructed. I indulged him because he had been brave enough to take a shoe, but I find that dancing with kids your own age is a tad bit more enjoyable. But before I even got to the dance, I was faced with the most difficult decision of what to wear.
When you look around on dance days at all the different outfits people are wearing, you can tell a lot. Many people don’t even attend dances, and some people get all totally decked out. I happen to be one of the girls who goes to the extremes. I probably spend more time picking out a cute outfit for the dance than the dance actually lasts. “Mom! I don’t know what to wear,” I say this every time a dance comes up. Shirts, skirts, shoes, and jewelry are all very important to me, so I use only the best. Everything has to match perfectly and be coordinated with all the other articles I wear. When I get to school and see maybe two or three other people dressed up like me, it tells me a lot. I find out who really cares about this kind of thing and who doesn’t. The girls, and occasionally boys, who get all dressed up for dances are usually the one who dance on every song - and who you dance with can certainly change everything.
Usually I dance with just my friends and, if I’m lucky, the guys I like. For me, a dance has never “started” anything with anyone. Until now, that is. I stood there dancing with one boy who I was very good friends with, and suddenly I felt something that I never had felt before. You could almost see the sparks flying around us. It was probably the most enjoyable dance I’ve ever had. It has changed a lot of things for me, all for the better. There are also many instances where dancing can ruin relationships. Someone could say no, a very rare situation, but it’s happened to me. The dance can be awkward to the extreme, also one of my personal experiences. I know for a fact that a dance can make or break feelings for someone.
Junior high dances are amazing things if you can learn to navigate them properly. Although the differences between the age groups are huge, deciding what to wear causes great anxiety, and a single two-minute dance can change everything, I still love them. After years of experience like I’ve had, you can’t help it. In health or in sickness, for better or for worse, I’ll always end up going.
Saturday, February 21, 2009
Lots to Say
So first off, I just want to say, who is Lots of Keys?! They just commented on one of my posts and its bothering me that I don't know who they are. I'm really tired and have to take my whitening strips out, so I'll be brush. One thing I want to say is that Crest Whitening Strips are amazing! I've been using them for almost a week now and my teeth are beautiful! Even if no one notices, I can tell the difference and it just makes me so happy! Next subject, I have a cold. Wonderful, huh? This has been a very long day for me and I've barely done any of my work because I've been watching movies with my mom. First I watched New York Minute starring the Olsen twins; then we watched Quarantine, only the scariest movie I've ever seen in my life; then we watched Madagascar 2 and it was pretty funny; and finally we watched Religulious which was probably the best one all day. It talked all about religion and how people are going to put us in a nuclear, religious war because that is how they believe the world is going to end in 2012. I can't really explain it, but I suggest that all of you see it cause it ROCKED. And it totally made fun of Mormons. No offense. Although it was pretty bad in some parts with some words and body parts. Anyway, the final thing I want to say is that I'm even happier than I was last time I wrote in my blog. I got a haircut and there's this guy. But that's all I'm gonna tell you because now I know some one is stalking me. Just kidding!... but seriously...
Sunday, February 15, 2009
Dance Numero Deux
Dude, I just totally combined French and Spanish at the same time! Should we call it Franish or Spench? I like them both! Anyway, the dance on Thursday was okay. While Mr. C didn't end up coming, I still had an okay time. I had a really great dance, a really awkward dance, and a dance that wasn't the best (if you catch my drift). The really geat one was with Mitchel, simply because he's probably the only person in our school not afraid to wrap his arms around a girls back. I don't know, all of the sudden standing there with him just felt so nice. Never mind, I wont bore you with my trival tangents. And I have two things to say about that. One, who the hell is going to read this!? Why do I adress every single entry like it's for someone? I mean no ever reads it (except for Mr. T ocasionally and if this is one of those times I'm sorry) because no one really cares about me! I can even pull off saying hell! Not that its bad to me because I'm an atheist, but still. I feel so unloved. The other thing is that in math we just learned about sine/cosine/tangent, so whenever I hear about those I actually understand them. The awkward dance was with this little Hispanic sevy who had the nerve to pick up a random girls shoe, so I let him have a dance. But it was so sad cause he didn't know how to dance so I had to show him where to put his hands! I don't think I'm going to tell you about the bad dance, it would get ugly if the person found out. Just know that it was unpleasant. Oh, and, Mr. T, I love you. Letting us watch all those balcony scenes the day before Valentines Day was like the coolest thing ever! And letting me read! I know I messed the whole thing up because I'm partially dislexic, I really enjoyed it. But I don't think it's going to happen again. Man that is my favorite class. Sitting next to my best friend, learning about Shakespeare, and the guy I like is in it! Life couldn't be better :)
Saturday, February 7, 2009
:(
I have to be the most unhappy person ever alive right now. Im having a sleep over with Mackenzie this weekend (tonight actaully), but I have to read to page 140 (I'm only on page 48) and do a term project for biology. And thats not even the worst part. So I'm going to tell you a very long twisted tale full of code names and secrets, hate and love, and all that fun stuff:
So there is this boy, and for this situation we will call him Mr. C. And no it's not a teacher at our school, it's a students, who's a boy. And then there's a girl who we will call Miss Z just so people don't actually know who she is. And then there is me, and now you have met all the main charactuares. So it all started off at the begining of the year with a very attractive boy named Mr. C. I was so excited to have an opportuinity to get to know Mr. C, but that never happened. Anyway, Miss Z is (I am almost 100% positive)feels the same way about him that I do. And she happens to be a very social person, while I remain shy around him. She is very pretty and talks to him, while I don't, no, can't. I can't because I have discovered that I turn red at the drop of a hat. Not the best combination. I would tell you all the other juicy details, but that would give away the charactures. All I'm going to say is that I hope he goes to the dance on Thursday because I will ask him to dance.
So there is this boy, and for this situation we will call him Mr. C. And no it's not a teacher at our school, it's a students, who's a boy. And then there's a girl who we will call Miss Z just so people don't actually know who she is. And then there is me, and now you have met all the main charactuares. So it all started off at the begining of the year with a very attractive boy named Mr. C. I was so excited to have an opportuinity to get to know Mr. C, but that never happened. Anyway, Miss Z is (I am almost 100% positive)feels the same way about him that I do. And she happens to be a very social person, while I remain shy around him. She is very pretty and talks to him, while I don't, no, can't. I can't because I have discovered that I turn red at the drop of a hat. Not the best combination. I would tell you all the other juicy details, but that would give away the charactures. All I'm going to say is that I hope he goes to the dance on Thursday because I will ask him to dance.
Sunday, February 1, 2009
Gosh Darn It!
So I just read what we have to do for the disscusion board. Hence the "gosh darn it!". I have actually been reading, but I've only read the first three chapters. I was going to go write a story or something, but that idea just got shot in the head. :P.
So anyway, I went and saw am ovie today! Underworld 3: Rise of the Lycans! It was pimp let me tell you what! I mean, i cried my heart out in one scene for a very good reason! But I still loved it! It was so gory it wasn't even funny! It was cool! But there was this one scene that they didn't need to have but it's a rated R movie so they're entitled to have it, but the movie what have been better if they had just left that last little clip out. . . . Anyway, it was friggen' amazing! I already own the first two so I'm good. But the first two were set in the present, then this one went back to the past and I already knew what was going to happen in this one scene which made me cry my heart out still. It was still a pimp movie though :). Next weekend, Mackenzie and I are going to see Push and it's gonna rock too! I hope. . . . And oh my gosh Mackenzie's birthday it on the 16th and she is going to love all her presents! I would tell you guys what they are, but she got a blog and might find a way to read this before then! Just know that she'll like them :)
So anyway, I went and saw am ovie today! Underworld 3: Rise of the Lycans! It was pimp let me tell you what! I mean, i cried my heart out in one scene for a very good reason! But I still loved it! It was so gory it wasn't even funny! It was cool! But there was this one scene that they didn't need to have but it's a rated R movie so they're entitled to have it, but the movie what have been better if they had just left that last little clip out. . . . Anyway, it was friggen' amazing! I already own the first two so I'm good. But the first two were set in the present, then this one went back to the past and I already knew what was going to happen in this one scene which made me cry my heart out still. It was still a pimp movie though :). Next weekend, Mackenzie and I are going to see Push and it's gonna rock too! I hope. . . . And oh my gosh Mackenzie's birthday it on the 16th and she is going to love all her presents! I would tell you guys what they are, but she got a blog and might find a way to read this before then! Just know that she'll like them :)
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